We knew it was too good to be true!

Walk the Line actor turned bearded rapper/performance artist/whatever the eff that was last spring Joaquin Phoenix will not be coming out of retirement to play Edgar Allen Poe!

Last week, Resul Pookutty, who was responsible for the sound design in Slumdog Millionaire, told an Indian newspaper that Phoenix has signed on to play the poet in a new movie, but the rumor has been squashed by Joaquin's rep!

Phoenix's rep says that his client has no intentions of appearing in the new flick.

Too bad!

We'd love to see Joaquin return to the big screen!

[Image via WENN.]

One of 50 Cent's security guards sorta lost it at the paps in Copenhagen last week and got himself arrested!

Sounds like someone has anger issues!

The bodyguard (whose name has not been released) has been charged with assaulting two photogs outside of Fiddy's hotel by the Copenhagen PD.

Reporter Nikoloj Vraa recalled the attack:

One of 50 Cent's bodyguards came out and told us to leave. The next thing I knew, he grabs my throat and tried to strangle me. He cut off my airway, and I couldn't breathe. He took my camera and deleted photos.

Hotel security came out and told us to call the police and that is what we did. I think the bodyguard attacked at least 2 other people. The bodyguard was arrested and I was told by the police that he was going to be charged with assault, threats and robbery.

Absolutely horrible!!!

And do you know what this genius bodyguard said to the paps earlier in the day'

"Danish law doesn't apply to us here because we are Americans."

LOLs!

What sorta logic is that''''

[Image via WENN.]

After admitting he cheated on his wife 10 times, this hardly comes as a surprise!

Take That's Mark Owen has checked himself into rehab for his drinking problem!

The British boybander has owned up to a 10-year-long alcohol addiction and is finally ready to get the help he so desperately needs.

Says Owen:

I have had issues for a long time. I've drunk for the last 10 years and it got to a bad point… I need to sort things out. I'm going into rehab properly. I've made my bed and I've got to lie in it. I was very lucky to marry Emma because I've not always been a great partner.

Good luck with that!

[Image via WENN.]

Ha ha ha!

And here douchebag Joe Francis thought he was off the hook!

The IRS dropped their $33 mil tax lien against the Girls Gone Wild skeeze last month, but the big wigs over at the Internal Revenue Service have realized they made a mistake!

Francis is now being ordered to pay $29.4 million of his original lien because the dumbass failed to pay the government their $$$$$ in 2001, 2002 and 2003.

Karma's a real bitch, isn't it Joe'

[Image via WENN.]

Duh!

For the second week in a row, the fantastical Alice In Wonderland has dominated the box office!

The Tim Burton flick, which earned $116 million its opening weekend, is expected to have a total earning of $200 million by the weekend's close!

We wonder how long it'll stay on top!

Slutty!

Amanda Seyfried shows off her sexpot side in the upcoming issue of Esquire!

Doesn't she look exactly like Scarlett in the second pic''

Corey Haim's mother, Judy Haim, has told the LA County Coroner's Office to check out a couple of urgent care facilities her son used to frequent often!

Judy says Corey would go to multiple urgent cares to obtain prescriptions and some of the facilities would prescribe him up to 90 pills at a time!

So not okay!

The coroner's office will be obtaining a list of the facilities Corey was known to hit up often, and between this and the alleged prescription drug rings, the shiz is seriously about to hit the fan for the drug peddlers!

[Image via WENN.]

Wow…

We don't quite… know what to say'

Mel B debuted her courageous new hairdo at Caesars Palace in Vegas last night and…

Hmmm.

Here's a better question - what do U think of it''''

[Image via WENN.]

Kudos to Sir Elton!

Next Fall, the first Broadway play produced by John and his partner David Furnish, is being praised by the critics!

Next Fall is the story of "a gay couple whose relationship is changed by a tragic accident", and was penned by actor Geoffrey Nauffts.

Theatre critics are giving the play, which opened in NY last Thursday, rave reviews, calling it "deeply moving" and "surprisingly funny."

Congrats Elton!!!!

[Image via WENN.]

"I love sex. Love it, love it, love it… Can't live without it. I love skin. I don't believe the body is something to hide."

- Avatar and Star Trek actress Zoe Saldana tells Essence magazine