When it comes to jewellery, rap stars just don?t do subtle…so when Jay-Z wanted a wedding ring for singer Beyonce Knowles, it was no surprise that he shunned the traditional gold band in favour of a stunning £2.5million diamond.

But the seven-figure price tag will barely dent the bank balance of the 38-year-old musician, who last year earned an estimated £41million.

The pair married in a secret ceremony in April this year ? and Beyonce had initially taken great care not to be pictured with her rock, believed to be a flawless
18-carat diamond.

Beyonce has long been a fan of Schwartz?s jewellery and has regularly been seen on the red carpet decked out in her creations.

Other A-list celebrities including Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera have also been seen wearing Schwartz earrings and her signature coloured diamonds.

Schwartz, who is based on New York?s exclusive Fifth Avenue, got her big break in 2002 when Halle Berry wore her jewellery to collect a Best Actress Oscar for her performance in Monster?s Ball.

Jewellers in London?s Hatton Garden diamond district confirmed the huge octagon-cut stone was a rarity.

Mohammed Cimark, who runs Precious Gems and Jewels, said: ?If it is 18 carats then it?s a lovely size, an exceptional diamond. It?s clearly a premium stone.

?You can?t recognise the colour from the photo and the clarity is hard to see, but the best clarity is internally flawless.

?I would need to look at this through the magnifying glass to know if it was flawless ? but it would be quite rare, especially with a diamond this size.?

source

Brazilian supermodel ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO is offering a reward for information that leads to the safe return of her beloved Maltese terrier BUDDHA.

The pampered pooch went missing recently and sources claim the pretty star is “devastated”.

A friend has posted a reward notice online. It reads: “Alessandra Ambrosio’s 4 pound maltese named Buddha got out and is lost. He is tie dyed (sic) blue and green and is lost please help in anyway possible. She loves her dog so much and there is a large reward if someone returns him. He was lost in Beverly Hills.”

The message adds, “If anyone finds a Blue and Green little dog please call 310 396 4400 or email Helpfindbuddha@gmail.com.”

source

Hot or not? I am a huge fan of Kendra and all of the “girls next door” but I have to say for a person in her low 20’s, Kendra is starting to show quite a few wrinkles in her face. She is looking more and more like a young Jenna Jameson, meaning she is looking more skanky, not to say she was ever a classy woman but lately she seems like she is a $2.00 whore to me for whatever reason.

Let’s hypothesize about what has happaned to Kendra’s face. Normally I would dig up really old pictures of Kendra that we can compare against but since I have to get to work I can’t do that right now. The big question is, did Kendra ever have great skin? I don’t recall that being the case. Could the fact that she is 20 and looks like her face belongs to a 40 year old possibly be genetics? Many fair skinned people get wrinkles in their early 20’s. The only other ideas that pop into my head are, too much tanning, too much plastic surgery, she is older than she lets on (people say the same is true for Bridget), or she has had a really tough life. Regardless, she is still hot in my book. I wonder how old she will look by the time she is 30 if this is how she looks at 20? I am willing to bet she will be pumping all sorts of fillers into her face within the next couple of years if she isn’t already.

Jennifer looks incredible. What a body!

Rachel is the latest celeb to launch her own clothing line. Here she is at the Adventura Mall promoting her collection. I wonder what this collection is like. I don’t like the way Rachel is dressed here. The hat is goofy and the neck tie too. Rachel is so cute, she pulls it off but it is not my favorite look on her.

We don’t see enough of Alyssa. She is still so cute but she is looking a bit older here. It’s only natural…

Britney looks pretty good in black.

This year, like every year, the Stuart Weitzman brand is holding an auction to support the fight against ovarian cancer. To raise funds, the shoe brand always invite dozens of celebrities to customise one of their shoes (yes, just one), and then they auction them on their website. For the moment, the prices haven’t exceeded the 400 dollar mark, but the highest bidders are probably waiting until the 30th of September, when the bids will start to go up in the final few minutes.

Some of the celebrities have good taste and create interesting designs, while others produce something that looks like a high school project. But regardless, the auction is full of good intentions, and who wouldn’t like to take home a shoe created by Susan Sarandon, Blake Lively, Kiefer Shutterland, Leighton Meester, Jessica Alba, Zoey Deschanel, Rachel Bilson, Jada Pinkett Smith, Janet Jackson, Ivanka Trump or Eva Longoria.

And the best bit? If you take a look at their website and enjoy the designs created by 29 celebs, you’ll be supporting a good cause.

source

Did anyone catch this last night? It was on one of the basic channels… Gwyneth, Mario Batalli and two other folks that I don’t remember were on the road in Spain visiting tons of different locations, tasting food and wine, viewing art, villages and local culture.

It was interesting and I have to say Gwyneth came off as very sweet and intelligent. She used to really annoy me and of course, she said some annoying things but overall, I thought she was great. There was one time when Mario asked her if she would eat a piece of chicken and she said she wouldn’t eat any farm raised animal and she wouldn’t support anyone else doing it either. That is such an aloof attitude to me. It would be nice if we could all be so choosy. I can’t afford to shop in Whole Foods all the time. Maybe I should raise my own chickens so I can feed myself. Unfortunately not eating farm raised is not an option for the majority in this country. No one desires to eat an antibiotic/hormone pumped piece of meat that was raised in a crate but sometimes you have to.

BRITNEY SPEARS’ cousin and former assistant ALLI SIMS is trying to profit from her time as the pop star’s leading aide - by selling the clothes, jewellery and accessories she was given as the singer’s sidekick.

Sims held a sale in Birmingham, Alabama on Sunday (21Sep08) to try and unload cases of free stuff she no longer wants.
A Spears family insider tells Life + Style magazine, “Alli literally got thousands of dollars worth of swag during that year she was at Britney’s side. She hasn’t been working, so she needs the money more than she needs the stuff.”

And the sale hasn’t gone down well with the Spears family, according to the source: “She promoted the sale as Britney’s cousin… and she’s basically been cut off from any contact with the family.”

source

These celebrities were born on October 5:

Nicky Hilton is 25.
Steve Miller 65.
Heather Headley 34.
Bob Geldof is 57.
Steve Miller is 65.
Jesse Palmer is 30.

Brooke Hogan is guilty on counts of attempting to look like a stripper and attempting to look like a woman. 

Seriously what the eff this this dumb shit wearing? Actually, why is she wearing this? Did Daddy tell her it looked hot? If she really wants to go for the tranny look, she needs a little more volume in her hair.

By the way bitch, The Pussy Cat Dolls called and they want their damn bra back.

Let’s piss on his grave. We waited for this for 13 years….

O.J will most likely be spending the rest of his life tossing the salad in jail for armed roery, armed burglary, armed kidnapping, consipracy and assualt with a deadly weapon. Let’s not forget he’s also going to jail for being a kniving bitch.

Murdererrrrrrr!!!!

Jessica Simpson looks as if she just underwent a lobotomy. Unfortunately, she didn’t. She’s just a little tipsy…

I wonder what she would look like with a lobotomy though..

So last night I watched the Vice Presidential debate.  And then my brain was set on fire with the constant usage of the word maverick.

Is it just me or is it every damn time Palin talks..you just want to drive a nail through your head? Not because what she had to say wasn’t interesting..it’s the way she SMILED at me and then WINKED at me. I felt like my television was violating me.

However, she did a really awesome job in presenting her scripted argument. Whoever was her tutor should get a big bonus raise. I’m guessing the Democrats paid for her private debate lessons since she’s just too much of an embarassment to the nation every time she starts speaking.

Biden was consitent and passionate in his arguments presented. He was clear and precise…didn’t have to beat around the bush. And I was seriously about to choke up when Joe Biden mentioned the death of his wife and daughter.

It’s stupid how Palin tries to make herself the only family-oriented candidate..when Biden had to play Mom and Dad for his kids when his wife died.

Media says Biden won.

Seriously, what the nut Catherine Zeta Jones?

Who did this to you? What’s wrong with your face? Did you get into a bronzer fight or something? And…what are those red marks on your chest? Is there something I should know?

I will stop asking your picture these questions. Anyways people…I think Catherine’s body is slowly dying….all those T-Mobile commercials have slowly ruined her. And the fact that Michael Douglas is her husband.

Here’s a few words of advice: Get a M-A-K-E U-P A-R-T-I-S-T

ARE YOU EXCITED TO WATCH TONIGHT’S VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE???

Take Damn I’m Cute’s FIRST EVER Poll!!!!

The Heist!!! 

 Sadness…Hugh Laurie..the man who makes me want to study infectious diseases…has been ROBBED!

Who are these bitches? I want to personally inject them with ebola! It all happened at his Hollywood home while him and his wife were sleeping.  Nobody was hurt, but they did manage to steal his laptop. Even though he could probably buy shit-loads more…there’s nothing stronger than the bond which a human has with a piece of technology.

If someone stole my iPod- I would steal their soul.

With THIS performace of Sarah Palin playing the flute.

I guess she’s been doing this for 10+ years. Excellent prerequisite for becoming a VP right!?

The hoes were spotted wearing bikinis and simmering in the sun.

Linsday has a hot body, but Sam…not so much. I was actually expecting Sam to be in some trunks and a wife-beater. However, that is too high of an expectation.

Samantha’s cleavage made me want to puke my perfect taco that I just ate.  It’s almost as if I am seeing curves on an 8-year-old boy.

Disgusting.

Holy snickerdoodles Megan Fox is everywhere!!!

And that’s a GOOD THING. Especially since she’s hot and…NOT FAKE. So this is a picture from her movie: How to Lose Friends And Alienate People.

Just from the title I can tell you that this pictures is the antonym for losing friends and alienating people. If anything, this picture brings people together to celebrate the beautiful humans in the world!

It’s really cute to see Disney channels talk about things other than Disney.

Selena Gomez was rooting for Kim Kardashian’s robot ass on Dancing With the Stars. She plans to ” vote non-stop” for the bodacious brunette according to our amigos MTV tres. Kim was SOOOOO happy that she hollered at Selena on her website. Thats nice.

I wonder if Selena has seen Kim’s sex tape.

This is a recent photo of DJ AM attending a memorial service for Chris Baker who was killed in the plane crash that AM and Travis Barker were involved in.

Yes, I Violet have a myspace. And I want YOU to add me on it! You can tell me who you want to see more of or less of! So add me!! Click HERE

Nick Jonas is proud of his new Pootang magnet: 1968 Mustang ( I think it’s a Cobra though..damn you TMZ).

I wonder if him and Selena have broken the backseat in yet.

The Jonas Brothers are presented with The Gold Disc award for their for sales of their first album, It’s About Time, in Madrid, Spain on Monday.

What else were Kevin, Joe and Nick up to today in Spain? The JoBros had a Masterclass Event @ Orange Cafe, an in-store event at El Corte Ingles (Plaza Felippe II Square), an appearance on the “El Hormiguero” tv show and an interview on “Internight”, a popular radio program on Los 40 Principales.

10+ pictures inside of the Jonas Brothers going gold…

OMGGGGGGGG

Check out these new photos of Britney Spears shooting the music video for her new single “Womanizer”, September 24 and 25, 2008 in Los Angeles.

The “Womanizer” music video will officially premiere worldwide THIS Friday, Oct. 10 during 20/20 @ 10PM ET/PT on ABC.

Britney has also confirmed that her second performance of “Womanizer” will be on Good Morning America. She’ll first perform the song on UK’s X-Factor.

WHICH BRIT LOOK LOOKS BEST ? the blonde sex kitten, the sassy secretary or the vampy waitress?

Spike Feresten currently hosts his own late-night talk show, Talk Show with Spike Feresten, on FOX. Years ago, the 44-year-old funny man was also on the writing staff for Saturday Night Live, The Late Show With David Letterman and the hugely successful sitcom Seinfeld (he wrote episodes “The Muffin Tops” and “Soup Nazi”). Check out what Spike had to say about taking his act to late night:

JJ: How are you, Spike? Where are you calling from?

SF: Great! I’m in the office here in Hollywood, editing the show, and we have a funny little video we put out this week called ?Lil’ Bill O’Reilly? that no one knows is ours. It was on Gawker this morning and it’s been all over the place all of a sudden. It’s going viral as we speak. This is an exclusive for you! You can say it’s us.

JJ: What are the work hours like for your show?

SF: We go in every day. We shoot two shows a week, one show that airs two days after on Saturday nights that we shoot on Thursday. And the other show that might air in May–we call it an evergreen show.

JJ: Can you explain the second show you tape?

SF: The second show is just FOX saving money. They double up tape nights for us. In the fall, we’ll be shooting shows about what’s happening that week, the debates and anything else that’s happening. The other show is pure silliness. Since we can’t predict what’s gonna happen in the spring, we kinda just do odd comedy.

(Continue reading Spike Feresten’s interview inside…)

Spike Feresten Interview - JustJared.com Exclusive

JJ: Do you keep up with celebrity gossip? Which blogs do you read?

SF: I float across a bunch of blogs during any given day. TMZ, Defamer, Gawker, Best Week ever… I kinda float around.

JJ: Which political blogs do you frequent?

SF: Right now I tried to read everything. Daily Kos, you know anything that’s got good information. But it’s mostly just to write comedy from. I kinda take the pulse of all these different sites and then try to see where the funny is.

JJ: Are you a registered Democrat or Republican?

SF: Independent.

JJ: Is the vice-presidential debate going to be covered in tomorrow’s show? What are your thoughts on it? (Editor’s note: The one that aired this past Saturday October 4th.)

SF: Watching [Sarah Palin], I thought she would make a great mayor of Alaska. (laughs) And Biden, the way he stood there pretending to listen to this woman rambling on about herself, it was like watching the world’s worst first date. You know what I mean? They were recapping this morning she literally told [moderator] Gwen Ifill, ?I’m not going to answer your questions,? which is the same thing she told the same thing told her daughter Bristol about where babies come from. Pretty strange coincidence that happened there.

JJ: How has “Talk Show” progressed since the first season?

SF: You know, the show has grown a lot since the original concept. It’s a very good question. I think we’re about halfway there.

JJ: What’s the other half you’re trying to finish?

SF: Well as I said before, half the season is topical, half the season is about the week’s events. I firmly believe on Saturday night, people want to watch comedy about what happened that week, and that it gets a little more difficult to connect with your audience when you’re not doing that. And this year, FOX gave us the money to do it for at least half the season, which we’re pretty grateful for. But for me, the biggest complaint from fans is that it’s too short (it’s a half-hour show) and I agree. It should be at least be an hour, and it should be about what happened that week. So we’re kinda halfway there. But we are, at three years, or in our third season, the most successful late night show in FOX history. We’ve beaten all records! There are a lot of cadavers in the Fox late night schedule. Talented people like Chevy Chase, and Joan Rivers, but no one has been as successful as us to date, and we’re proud of that.

JJ: Who is your target demographic?

SF: We found, that the people watching FOX on Saturdays at midnight are people on drugs. We generally write comedy for them.

JJ: What’s your average viewership week to week?

SF: We have about on average about 1.5 million people watching every week and it’s a pretty good audience. And it’s a pretty good healthy number of 18-49 year-olds, men and women. Not many old people watching, and not many super young kids like under 10 watching. The right people are watching the show. And what we’re hearing over and over again is, ?I didn’t know what I was watching because the network didn’t promote it, but when I came across it, I really laughed hard. It’s a really funny show! You guys are underrated.?

JJ: Why is it that Fox doesn’t promote your show?

SF: Part of it was a strategy for them. In the past, you know I mentioned Chevy Chase and Joan Rivers. They put a lot behind throwing these people on the air, and sometimes that can have a bad effect because it forces people to like somebody. And the theory was, let’s just put you in the middle of nowhere and let’s see if people find you and if you can find an audience, and people get excited about it. That way you have a little bit edge, rather than me, Spike Feresten, a complete unknown at the time, just going on the air and risking it. Kinda like what Conan [O'Brien] went through when he first went on the air. A year of attacks. And it’s been fun because I’ve worked on a lot of very high profile projects, like Seinfeld, and Letterman, and there’s a lot of freedom doing what we’re doing.

JJ: How do you keep in touch with your fans?

SF: I communicate with everybody through MySpace. Tim Meadows let me know he was in a movie recently and I booked him through MySpace. We dropped this funny public service announcement about the switch to digital. It’s just showing an old person trying to follow the directions and doesn’t do it so well. So TV stations, and local affiliates have been emailing me for permission to show it on the air, so that’s the place also where I talk to fans about the weeks show. I use their suggestions for guests. Right now, they’re clamoring for Bob Saget. They wanna see him so we’re gonna be going out to Bob Saget. It’s also a great place to hear what sucks, what people don’t like, don’t wanna see, and what people love and wanna see more of. I’m generally returning every message myself.

JJ: Where do you see your career going? Do you want to host award shows?

SF: I’m really liking what I’m doing right now. We finish shooting at the end of December. Last year I got to co-host the New Year’s Eve special with Cat Deeley, that was a lot of fun. I really like doing this, and I hope this show continues to grow, and gather the same enthusiasm. A lot of the other guys have been around a long time, a couple of decades. We’re like the Obama of talk shows. We’re new. We’re the change. We just hope the polls just put us in the lead soon.

JJ: Do you have a dream guest that you’d like to have on the show one day?

SF: You know who that is? Tom Cruise. Because everybody was saying his new movie wasn’t good, and wasn’t gonna be good. Valkyerie, it is, and I watched the trailer online the other day, and it looked really cool. I thought, alright well he plays a Nazi in this movie, and I wrote the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld, maybe that’s my connection to getting him on the show.

JJ: Since you did write for Seinfeld, what the royalties like? Do you get like a $5 check in the mail every month?

SF: They’re decent, we make some decent money. I was in the Writer’s Guild back then. Actually you make some pretty decent money off of that–thousands of dollars. Older shows, like old Letterman’s from NBC, you’ll get a check for four cents. And then you’ll see the producer’s cut, $10,000, and you go whoa, I really gotta produce these things. It doesn’t pay to be a writer or an actors on these things.

JJ: How’s your [8-month-old] son Jack doing?

SF: He’s great! He’s in the office right now, having lunch. Because we’ve been working, we came in, had a little bit of lunch, learning to crawl in the office, just a moment ago. My wife, and I, and Jack on all fours, marching around the office with the door closed so the staff couldn’t’ see.

JJ: Does Jack inspire any of the material for the show? How does your family inspire stuff for the show?

SF: He does, we just did a monologue about kids, and how that affects your life. And how you’re not allowed to have anything in the nursey that off-gasses. No off-gassing carpets, no off-gassing woods. Pretty much the only thing that’s off-gassing in that nursery is my son. Jokes like that.

JJ: Any more thoughts on Palin?

SF: This thing that she said during the debates, that her message speaks to ?Joe Six-pack.? And I finally realized what she means by that. That you have to be five beers in to just begin to understand what she’s talking about. You have drunk, to get it. Did you see that Katie Couric interview she did?

JJ: Yes, I did.

SF: I thought she appeared so ill-informed that CBS should probably ask her to host the evening news.

JJ: Do you think that’s just her strategy? To avoid the questions?

SF: Well, yeah, I mean it looked like she came in with a bunch of written responses, and then she even said I’m not gonna answer your questions. I’m just gonna read these responses. You know, what 7-11 clerk couldn’t do that? I don’t understand, I thought this was a debate, I thought we we were gonna cut loose and let go. Somebody screwed up there.

JJ: What would you do if she did make it as vice-president?

SF: Oh my God. I would enjoy four years of joke writing and joke telling. I would have it made. All my shows would be filled.

JJ: What would you do if she became President?

SF: That’s an interesting question. Who would she pick as her running mate that would make her look good? Does that person exist? I’m trying to think of somebody and I can’t quite find the nut who makes her look smart.

—————

And there you have it. Tune into Talk Show with Spike Feresten at 12/11c on FOX! Let me know if you guys are interested in tickets to Spike’s show and I’ll try to run a giveaway of some sort. Hope you enjoyed the interview!

Angelina Jolie takes three of her children — Pax, almost 5, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2 — for a walk in the French Quarter district of New Orleans, Louisiana on Monday.

The family, who was accompanied by two security guards, stopped at Verdi Mart for some Cheetos snacks.

As Chester Cheetah always says “It?s not easy being cheesy.”

Earlier in the day, Brad Pitt was seen biking around with a Barack Obama-covered notebook.

15+ pictures inside of the Cheetos Jolie-Pitts family…

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is likely to appear on Saturday Night Live to spoof her spoofer, Tina Fey.

The Republican vice-presidential candidate is rumored to spoof the 30 Rock writer’s American Express ads.

The Chicago Sun-Times reports, “While next weekend’s Saturday Night Live will be a rerun, it is possible Palin could appear Thursday on the first of NBC’s Weekend Update specials in prime time.”

WOULD YOU TUNE IN to watch Palin spoof Fey???

Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson lands in Washington D.C. to meet with President George Bush at the White House on Monday.

“I am heading to the White House along with all USA Olympians for an honorary visit which I am so excited about,” the 16-year-old gymnast wrote on her blog.

At the airport, one videographer asked Shawn: “Do you look up to the Jonas Brothers? Are you excited to meet President Bush?”

She responded, “Yeah, I am.”

When asked if President George Bush will take away their Gold Medals to help bail out the economy, Shawn just laughed.

Former boybander JC Chasez is trying to jumpstart his acting career!

The 32-year-old former N’Sync member is set to play one of the squadron pilots in Kerosene Cowboys, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The Mario Van Peebles-directed action-thriller is about an elite Navy attack squadron that has to deal with an international crisis at 40,000 feet.

Also signed onto the flick are former ER doc Shane West, She’s All That actress Rachael Leigh Cook and Twilight star Cam Gigandet.

YIPPIE-KI-YAY!

Lisa Bonet and actor boyfriend Jason Momoa catch a departing flight out of LAX airport in Los Angeles on Sunday.

Bonet, 40, is best known for portraying the character of Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show and its spinoff A Different World. At 20, she eloped with singer Lenny Kravitz in Las Vegas but eventually divorced in 1993. They have a 19-year-old daughter, Zoe.

Momoa, 29, is best known for his roles on Baywatch and Stargate Atlantis. He and Lisa are the proud parents of daughter Lola Iolani Momoa, 14 months.

10+ pictures inside of Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa jetting off…

BARACK BIKER

A solo Brad Pitt throws on a fedora, hops on his bicycle and goes for a ride down the street in New Orleans, Louisiana on Monday.

The 44-year-old actor carried around a sketch notebook with a drawing of Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama on the cover. “08″ was also in the corner of Barack’s picture, obviously signifying the year of Barack’s presidential race, 2008.

Looks like we now know who Brad is voting for come election time!

Back in August, Angelina Jolie’s presidential pick was undecided.

10+ pictures inside of Barack biker Brad Pitt…

Selena Gomez shops at Urban Outfitters on Sunday with mom Mandy before picking up some ice cream at Ben & Jerry’s in Studio City, Calif.

The 16-year-old Wizards of Waverly Place just confessed to TV Guide that she’s “getting to know” the youngest Jonas Brother, Nick (also 16).

?I?ve gotten really close to the entire Jonas family this past year,” Selena admitted. “Nick and I are getting to know each other, but we?re not confirming anything.?

She even extended an invitation to Transformers star Shia LaBeouf: ?I?ve had a crush on him ever since he was on Even Stevens. It?s very far-fetched, but I would love to have Shia on Wizards.?

When asked if she considers herself a role model, Selena said, ?I?m going to do the best that I can do, but I am 16 and I am going to make mistakes ? no one?s perfect. To be honest, I?m quite boring! I love to go bowling and to the movies. When it comes to my wardrobe, I think I dress like a 30-year-old woman.?

DO YOU THINK Selena Gomez dresses like a 30-year-old woman???

Bloggers may face perilous, uncertain futures these days — but not Kim Kardashian! The reality star and Dancing with the Stars bootee has taken to the blogging format like a badonkadonked fish in water. First, Kardashian used her forum to dispute the automobile allegations made against her by a Defamer tipster, and now she's posted an impassioned defense of her naturally fulsome physique. It seems that Kardashian is so tired of rumors that she's had plastic surgery that she's decided to disprove them once and for all — using a queasy-making photograph of herself in a bikini at age 14:

I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!

I am definitely not against it at all, but haven?t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are the thing I would never do?even if I didn?t have full lips.

I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn?t want to kiss anyone with stuff in their lips?so I wouldn?t do it to myself.

This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!

Somehow, we doubt that Kardashian's scandalous teen picture will finally end the attention paid to her body, though it may arouse conflicted, brand-new scrutiny. Here's a tip, Kim: when that appreciative email comes from Andy Dick, don't answer it!

• I Never Had Plastic Surgery! [Kim Kardashian]

newVideoPlayer("/todovag_def.flv", 506, 423,""); To paraphrase an old Mel Brooks joke, the people are revolting. ("You said it. They stink on ice.") Their cause, of course, is the unjust and untimely departure of our beloved Molly McAleer, the first and only Defamer-minted microcelebrity. Without Molls...there's just so many ways that sentence could end. Without Molls, we'd never have bodacious Kanye West airport kerfuffle/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mashups. Or Harvey Levin sippy-cup hip hop sonnets. We wouldn't have a medley of D-list gays spelling their names on the red carpet.* And we wouldn't have the Mark Lisanti goodbye video, which never, ever fails to make us cry. Oh god—here come the waterworks again! We love you, Molls!!!

*That was the one when we first realized this girl's a prodigy.

Some stuff to do after the jump, if you can emerge from your comforter igloo:

· Charlie Horse EP Launch Party at Hotel Cafe

· Liz Phair at the Troubadour

· Naomi Wolfe at the Los Angeles Central Library

Fearless Predictions, with Oliver Stone: Cindy Adams has been there from the beginning with W., with her ambitious rewrite earlier this summer recently giving way to a late bit of story consulting with director Oliver Stone. Trouble persists at the 11th hour, however, as Stone's satiric dystopia hardly conforms to Adams's more optimistic vision at all: "There's no malice in the movie. It's just that it becomes obvious Bush's legacy has been trashed. The family name doesn't mean anything anymore. Like, for instance, Jeb Bush will never be president." And what will the president think of the film? "He'll say it's horseshit." Wait until he sees how our crystal ball plays it out. [NYP]

While much has been made of Tina Fey's return to SNL this season—starring as Sarah Palin in a series of pitch-perfect cold-opens that could well be the only things preventing a frayed America from tumbling off a flat Earth's edge—this week's episode also brought two other hilarious and viral-worthy sketches we thought we'd share. The first involves a Lawrence Welk Show-era sister act with a dark, attic-bound secret, played by Kristen Wiig. The second features Andy Samberg as Max Payne star Mark Wahlberg, in conversation with a variety of farm animals. Look—us explaining it is just delaying the funny. They're both after the jump.

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• SNL [NBC]

Boomp3.com

Before heading off to a delicious brunch with a friend, Elizabethtown star Orlando Bloom tried to recall the events of the prior night and how he ended up with a sun tattoo on his belly. Bloom?s night started with a simple game of backgammon before heading off to Ye Olde Kings Head for a quick pint with a friend, and then Bloom?s memories become hazy at best. Bloom recalls eating slices of pizza that were as long as his arm and bacon wrapped street dogs, but it could?ve been something from a script he recently read. Bloom does recall waking up in the morning sprawled out on a sofa with a piece of Saran Wrap on his stomach. After much thought, Bloom decided to keep the sweet piece of ink since it will fit in within his overall tough guy make over.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

After his golden-throated turn as Sperm Donor #2 in the hit Mamma Mia!, Pierce Brosnan had all the leverage he needed to push one passion project of his own through a Hollywood machine that had all but given up on him. Finally, life after Bond — real life, not his DOA indie Married Life — shone on the horizon in its unmistakeable, honey-tinged haze. And looking into that haze, we see a figure emerging in the distant hills — a hulking shadow of mysterious provenance, that rarest of phenomena we'd only heard rumored about before today and which Brosnan is determined to redeem. Behold Vanilla Gorilla, which one wag is pegging as the Beverly Hills Chihuahua of 2009, but about which the IMDB summary has us feeling slightly less optimistic:

A New York girl befriends Gogo, the world's only living albino gorilla. Through sign language they communicate and bond, and their ensuing trans-African quest to return Gogo to the wild puts ruthless poachers, determined CNN reporters, and one very concerned parent on their tail.

Brosnan's role isn't clear here, though we quite like the idea of him in any of these potential parts — particularly that of the "concerned parent" who traverses Africa on foot, by Aston Martin and eventually by boat, romancing indigenous women along the way before a climactic poker showdown featuring grand prize Gogo handcuffed in the middle of the table, unable to sign and awaiting his fate. Or maybe Brosnan will play Gogo himself, spending an entire film in lumbering albino silence as cosmic penance for his misbegotten ABBA squawks. Either way, he's earned it.

• 'Vanilla Gorilla' [IMDB via SATC]

Back when David Spade was dating Heather Locklear, Hollywood tongues wagged endlessly, wondering, "How does he do it?" Eventually, people realized that Spade is one of the great Casanovas of our time, able to woo some of the industry's biggest beauties by simply following the maxim, "Be normal and kind of have your shit together." Unfortunately, Locklear currently has her shit somewhat scattered, as she's dealing with a DUI called in by an ex-Us Weekly staffer who has a special relationship with Locklear rival Denise Richards. With so much going on in the life of his ex, how did the sensitive Spade check in?

"I texted her to check on her," Spade, 44, said Saturday night in Santa Monica at the annual benefit dinner and concert for the Lili Claire Foundation (which helps children living with neurogenetic conditions), about Locklear, who was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence.

..."I think things get blown out a lot of proportion," said Spade. "She's always solid and always a great person. And I think people understand she's in a tough situation and she does her best."

When it comes to Locklear, 47, Spade says, "I think there's no one that doesn't feel for her or have nice things to say about her in my experience."

We agree, but Dave — not even a phone call? A box of chocolates? A DVD collection of the first, truncated season of LAX with a calligraphied note saying, "Always thought this was your best work. XOXO, Joe Dirt"? Sure, that semi-disinterested text message may work on Teri Hatcher or a Playboy playmate, but this is Amanda Woodward we're talking about here. Cut a girl some slack and at least send an e-card!

• David Spade Checks In on Heather Locklear [People]

In Johnny Depp, Disney found an unlikely Mickey messiah. His once-dicey-seeming turn as a scenery-chewing eyeliner junkie was a risk worth taking, it turned out, and it wasn't long before Pirates of the Caribbean's staggering grosses had execs' eyeballs rolling back into their heads, replaced by spinning gold bullion. Resisting the urge to stuff their single biggest revenue generator into a chest and throw away the key until Depp had completed filming on Pirates 4 through 18, the company instead lay out a buffet of properties and encouraged the actor to help himself—and he did, committing to parts like the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland; The Lone Ranger's sidekick Tonto; and, in his biggest stretch to date, the titular transportation device of Jerry Bruckheimer's thrilling Monorail: The Motion Picture. Still, we haven't yet seen the last of Captain Jack Sparrow, a role Depp is reportedly revisiting for a $56 million paycheck. From the Daily Mail:

Hollywood heartthrob Johnny Depp will pick up a staggering $56 million for starring in a fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film. And it's the highest up-front pay-cheque in showbiz history.

Insiders claim the movie will have Captain Jack searching for the elixir of eternal youth. But it's unlikely that Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley will return to their roles.

If the amount reported by the British tabloid is right, the sum would make Depp the highest paid movie star in Hollywood history. Yes, it's exorbitant, but we have no doubt the malleable thespian will earn every cent, giving audiences $56 million dollars' worth of boozy swashbuckling and sexually ambiguous repartee with his tentacle-faced love interest in the hotly anticipated Pirates of The Caribbean: Song of the Peg-Legged Parrot.

• A swashbuckling good deal! Johnny Depp to be paid £32m to star in fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film [Daily Mail]

And he's out! After a long, arduous stay in sex rehab, David Duchovny and his wife, Tea Leoni, were snapped at the Czech Street Festival in New York City this weekend. Roger Friedman will be pleased by his choice of coasts, though the actor will certainly have to return to Los Angeles at some point to shoot the soon-to-be-awkward third season of Californication. Tea, might we recommend the newest in fully-transparent glass Star Waggons? [ONTD]

Tyler Perry's crisp white tuxedo was a bold choice of attire at the opening of his new studio Saturday night, when the mogul was dodging the worst of his fired former writers' union-busting accusations reported here last week. The WGA came through with its picket line on behalf of Kellie Griffin, Christopher Moore, Teri Brown-Jackson, and Lamont Ferrell — the House Of Payne Four whom Perry allegedly let go for their attempts to unionize the show's writing staff. One reported list of attendees had Will Smith, Oprah Winfrey, Sidney Poitier and several illustrious others crossing the picket line Saturday night, while the WGA sent word late Saturday that a second protest was planned for another, smaller event at Perry's Atlanta mansion on Sunday morning. So what does it all mean besides Oprah scabbing her way to free drinks and having a drunken Madea-Off with Poitier and Ruby Dee?

Nikki Finke evidently thinks this will have some bearing on the presidential race; more usefully, she also passed along an open letter from a small army of showrunners including Tina Fey, Mad Men creator Matt Weiner and TV legend Larry Gelbart:

This season, scripted television programming will consist of about 150 shows employing 1,200 writers.

Of that universe, 149 shows and 1,193 writers will produce shows covered by the Writers Guild?s Minimum Basic Agreement. The MBA guarantees minimum compensation, residuals, health coverage, and pension in addition to other benefits.

The big exception? Tyler Perry's House of Payne and the seven writers who, collectively, played a key role in producing over 100 episodes of one of television's most successful sitcoms. [...]

We all know that producing television is a tough and uncertain business. But some things are simply not acceptable.

Like not sending Tina Fey an invitation to the opening of Tyler Perry Studios. Even Barry Bonds got invited! Why shouldn't WGA be pissed?

[Photos: (L) Terence Long, WGAW; (R) AP]

• WGA Pickets Tyler Perry Studios [DHD]

newVideoPlayer("/fightliz_def.flv", 506, 423,"");For all too long, Sherri Shepherd has stayed relatively quiet on The View, keeping a low profile (except for the occasional blow-up at Bill Maher) and generally avoiding the sort of "flat earth" gaffes that would draw the pity spotlight away from her cohost Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Today, though, in the midst of another Hasselbeck political rant about Barack Obama's association with William Ayers, a surprisingly prepared Shepherd jumped in to rebut the show's token conservative with a "Wait, wait, wait — no you don't!"

Following her interruption with a laundry list of facts, dates, and counterpoints, Shepherd was eventually cut off by Barbara Walters, who was not ready for the cohost to do anything but smile beatifically and occasionally chirp, "Ludacris!" Is our little Sherri all grown up and ready for war? Watch out, Elisabeth: Sherri Shepherd's got a whole fleet of angel-babies at her command — and they're hungry!

• The View [ABC]

Boomp3.com

At the premiere of Body Of Lies, Russell Crowe was shocked to hear that one of the reporters on the red carpet was not a fan of cheese. The rough and tumble Aussie actor couldn?t believe that the reporter did not enjoy one of the finest things in life. Crowe said, ?Perhaps, this woman has been given the wrong cheese and maybe I?m the person to teach her about the ways of proper cheese consumption. I love CHEESE! Give me a nice slice of Havarti and a beautiful Bordeaux and I?m as tame as a baby kitten.?

[Photo Credit: WENN]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

His Coke Rewards. Former Roseanne Barr-satisfier Tom Arnold is grappling with an addiction to Diet Coke and Nicorette: "I've had 30 Diet Cokes in 12 hours on set and then I'll eat a whole cake. After I quit cigars, I got addicted to Nicorette. I've been on a cleanse...The first three days I was hallucinating. It was way worse than rehab for drugs. In rehab they give you a little something to take." It might sound like an innocuous enough addiction, but the truth is Diet Coke really is the devil's fizzy, 1-calorie candy. We'll never forget a story from The Black Table about DC addiction with one of the most chills-inducing ledes we've ever read: "Iva-Marie Palmer quite literally wakes up with a Diet Coke, downing her first one of the day while still in the shower." [Daily Star]

newVideoPlayer("/alechp_def.flv", 506, 423,""); Tina Fey had better watch her back — if she continues with her cutting Sarah Palin impressions on Saturday Night Live, she might find herself fired (or sniped from above thanks to a far-afield Alaskan helicopter). Fortunately, her 30 Rock costar Alec Baldwin will be available to step into the breach: he unveiled his own Sarah Palin impression on Friday's edition of Real Time with Bill Maher. While the vocal mimicry isn't quite up to par with Fey's (or Baldwin's own tour-de-force 30 Rock therapy scene), we have to breathe a sigh of relief that Baldwin didn't call the candidate a "lipsticked, vile little pig." Thank goodness for small favors! [Real Time with Bill Maher via HuffPo]

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