Well, let's look at the bright side: If I would have told you that Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts was going to dress up in a ridiculous costume commonly found in the Wrigley Field stands and some fans would later be mad, you would have just assumed he'd be apologizing to Kosuke Fukudome later. Yes, it's all about small victories these days over here on the North Side. 

So have at it, amateur Internet copy editors of the world. How should this caption read?

Follow the jump for winners from the last C-a-C, featuring Boston's owners:

Red Sox owners take refuge in the Green Monster

1st — Samuel. "OMG, it's Manny's pregnancy tests!"

2nd — halls4u. "Owners scout possible locations for Damon statue."

3rd — Matt. "We've got the Patriots on in the owners' lounge, come on in."

HM — andrewscott448. "Well Tom, what'd you expect? We are in a recession."

If this were a perfect world, the Houston Astros would be entering September with a slate full of important dates against contenders like the Padres, Giants, Phillies and Braves.

Instead, they're looking at a schedule full of has-been and never-were teams just like their own selves. Only the Reds stand out among the sea of Cubs, Pirates and Nats, but the recent 'Stros sweep over the St. Louis Cardinals has almost pushed that Sept. 17-19 matchup to almost being meaningless.  

So it looks like the Astros will have to settle for our simple praise for not rolling over when facing the Cardinals and Philadelphia Phillies the past two weeks. The Astros were a perfect 7-0 against the contenders, throwing a decent-sized wrench into their playoff plans. 

And it looks like we'll have to look toward other basement-dwellers to give managers the sinking feeling that former Astros skip Larry Dierker recalls from his days as a contender:

I remember that feeling from my days in dugout. I was fearful about losing to the Pirates or Brewers in September. On the one hand, it was an opportunity because we had more talent. But on the other, we felt like we had to win every game against them, because the rest of our games were with better teams. 

So which teams out there could play big spoiler roles in the final month? I have two potential picks, one for both the American and National League.

In the NL, there's the Los Angeles Dodgers, who are nine games back in the NL West and 7 1/2 behind the Phillies in the NL wild card. They might be motivated by their longshot odds and have six games apiece against the Giants, Padres and the Rockies.  

In the AL, the Royals have six games left against the Twins, three against the White Sox and a four-game set against Tampa Bay to end the season. Zack Greinke always has the potential to turn a series and the Royals will have plenty of guys trying to earn roles for next season. (If only Mike Moustakas were getting his callup this September.)

There are, of course, a few other teams that could make an impact in their already-decided seasons. Baltimore, Cleveland, Washington. Which one (or ones) do you think will play that role?

The San Diego Padres lost their seventh straight game Wednesday night and, even though they still lead the NL West by four games in the loss column, Joe Posnanski fears the worst for Adrian Gonzalez (helmet) and manager Bud Black.

Though he praises the Friars for their solid starting pitching, their solid defense and their ridiculous lockdown bullpenitentiary, Poz is still not sure how the team with the No. 21 offense in the majors had the best record in the NL until last week.

Choosing to not mince words, Posnanski went and compared the first-place Padres to a recent squad from his hometown team, the Kansas City Royals.

Losing seven straight in a pennant race is bad, but there's no need for slurs, sir!

Via Joe Po's Curiously Long Posts:

In 2003, the Kansas City Royals were in first place until the end of August. The thing that made it wonderful and baffling all at once is that nobody was quite sure how they were doing it. It was like a magic trick. I was watching them every single day, and I had no idea how it was done. Only, it really wasn't like a magic trick. At a Vegas magic show, when you don't know how something is done you think, "This guy's is a great magician." In baseball, when you don't know how something is done you think, "Oh boy, this ain't gonna last."

Posnanski's opinion is probably uniform with most of America, which has been waiting on the Great San Diego Collapse since May. And then June. Later, July. Into August. And everything after.

Speaking of the Counting Crows, the headline of Posnanski's post — "The Padres and a Long September" — recalls one of their hits, "A Long December."

But here's the thing about "A Long December": It's actually an optimistic tune.

Aside from "Mr. Jones," most Counting Crows tend to be good musical companions for the apocalypse. "December," though sad-sounding, has an upbeat lyric right out of the batter's box.

Poz sees a seven-game losing streak, notices the San Francisco Giants and Colorado Rockies circling, and wonders if it's the end.

I see a seven-game losing streak and marvel that it took this long. Baseball seasons feel interminable. The Padres gave us 4 3/4 months of winning baseball. It's just a slump. I'm aligning myself with their body of work over five months.

They play 17 of their remaining 30 games at PETCO. They play 13 times against the Giants and the Rockies — so they control their own fate. They're healthy. They're relatively young. They can do this.

One of the commenters on Posnanski's post made a simply brilliant point: These Padres are less the '03 Royals (a mediocre team in a bad division) and more like the '85 Royals. Those guys had the best pitching in baseball, a suspect offense led by one superstar (George Brett/Adrian Gonzalez) and a certain obnoxious winning way about them. Few believed in the '85 Royals, either.

Look at some of the other similarities:

Scrappy infielder quotient — Buddy Biancalana: David Eckstein.

Strange first-name infielder quotient — Onix Concepcion: Everth Cabrera.

Ital-i-ans — Steve Balboni: Chris Denorfia.

Aces missing a "T" — Bret Saberhagen: Mat Latos.

Kookie Closers — Dan Quisenberry: Heath Bell.

And, of course — Bud Black (LHP): Bud Black (manager).

It IS, eerie, Commenter Mike Williams. Seeing Brett hug Saberhagen (pictured) brings it all home. That could be Gonzalez and Latos a month from now.

That was the column. I think the Padres will give Posnanski another chance to write it.

* * *

Follow Dave on Twitter — @AnswerDave

Is this real footage from a Japanese network's call of the Nyjer Morgan fight? Of course it isn't, new guys over at Awful Announcing.

Still, this melding is all kinds of awesome. How do you say "clothesline" in Japanese?

Big BLS H/N: @joecapmarlins

C'mon, you knew I would find a way to work 9/02/10 day on to the Stew, didn't you?

So what was Luke Perry doing at Cinergy Field on June 1, 2002? Well, it seems that Perry was on hand to read Lou Gehrig's farewell speech as part of a Project A.L.S project. He also threw a ceremonial first pitch to Ken Griffey Jr., (a mind-boggling act that would have made my 1992 self record it on my VCR for posterity).

That's about all the details I have, so let's just assume he delivered Gehrig's words in a disaffected Dylan voice before talking sideburns and Social Security benefits with Johnny Bench.

By the way, Jason Priestley also gave Gehrig's address in Detroit that day, but didn't wear any Tigers gear. I would've expected more from the sports editor of the Beverly Blaze, but perhaps his steroids-obsessed self was taking an early stand against PED use.

(Come to think of it, he was probably also a Minnesota Twins fan.)

UPDATE: My man C. Trent points out below that he could have worn his prized Twins jersey had Emily Valentine not worn it to paint the homecoming float. Awesome.

The calendar has flipped to September and the annual expansion of baseball's rosters will give plenty of players a chance to make their big-league debuts. 

Most of those players, of course, will be young guys in their early 20s as GMs, managers and scouts try to figure out the future of their teams.

But a few late-season callups might be guys who are a tad older and are finally achieving their dream after years spent riding buses in the minor leagues.

Jesus Feliciano, 30, got his chance with the Mets back in June.  Erik Kratz was called up to the Pirates in July after nine years in the minors. Both have again been demoted, but at least they can say that their pages on Baseball-Reference are now official. They reached the major leagues. 

Completing the tested triumvirate is new Detroit Tigers catcher Max St. Pierre, who was called to Target Field on Wednesday after a trying 14 years of chasing his dream in the minor leagues. St. Pierre didn't get into the 2-1 Tigers loss, but he's been promised playing time by Jim Leyland. (The Tigers manager can relate as he spent 18 years in the minor leagues as a player and manager before ever seeing the big leagues himself.) 

St. Pierre's quest — which includes a couple of unconventional twists — is also one of the main stories in the Detroit Free Press, Detroit News and on MLB.com Thursday morning.

Among a few of the obstacles that he had to topple:

• Inspired by old Expos Tim Wallach and Larry Walker, St. Pierre didn't start playing until age 10.

• He grew up in French-speaking Quebec and didn't know much English when he was drafted as a 17-year-old by the Tigers in the 26th round of the 1997 draft. As a result, early communications with his pitchers were difficult and he says that some of his teammates thought he was "dumb."

• St. Pierre has played 978 total games in the minors, mostly split between Double-A Erie and Triple-A Toledo. He was on-hand for the final month of the 2004 Tigers season, but was only in the clubhouse as an emergency catcher and never dressed for a game. 

• He struggled with alcohol-abuse problems and told Baseball Prospectus earlier this year that drinking was often a way to give him confidence to speak English.

• Only one of those 14 years has been spent with an organization other than the Tigers. In 2007, the Milwaukee Brewers tried to convert him into a pitcher after saying he had a strong arm. (The experiment failed and he returned to Detroit in 2008.)

• He was demoted from Triple-A to Double-A in 2009 so he could replace Alex Avila, who had been promoted to the majors. St. Pierre says it's the closest he came to quitting.

Fortunately, St. Pierre stuck with it and now he's being rewarded after a 2010 minor league campaign that saw an upgraded offensive performance join his reputation as a solid defensive catcher.

Asked the usual questions about his upgraded salary, travel and per diem on Wednesday, St. Pierre quickly, but politely, dismissed the inquiries. It's only ever been about one thing. He told MLB.com:  

"It's never been about the money. It's always been about the dream. I want to get there. I want everybody back home to say: 'Hey, he made it.'" 

Max St. Pierre made it, indeed. That permanent Baseball-Ref page now awaits. 

For more Big League Stew fun, follow us on Twitter or Facebook

The good news? Bon Jovi's two-year reign as the playoff song you love to hate is over.

The bad? TBS is replacing those vanilla ditties with Kid Rock's "Born Free" this fall.

Now, don't get me wrong. I completely admire Mr. Kid for the way he realized that his early rap-rock career had a Durst-like shelf life before transforming himself into a record-selling prince of the proletariat by draping his body and average musical skills in the flag. He's become Jimmy Buffett for those who still wear jorts, but still seems like a smart guy who I'd like to have a beer with (which, I suppose, is his exact intent).

And while I plead guilty to having owned one of his CDs during college, my problem is that his voice is completely shot and resembles the wail of a dizzy alley dog. You think you're going to get sick of Conan commercials? Wait until you're hit with Kid Rock doing his poor man's Seger 86 times during a 4 1/2-hour New York Yankees playoff game.

At any rate, go watch the new video/promo to get a head start on burning the tune into your head. It starts with a shot of PNC Park (you know, because plenty of postseason baseball will be played there) and has plenty of Chip Caray clips sprinkled in (though sadly no samples of "fisted").

Over the past two weeks, Washington Nationals outfielder Nyjer Morgan has transformed into an updated version of Tanner Boyle from the "Bad News Bears."

In four different incidents, Morgan has exchanged hostilities of varying intensity with nearly every opponent the Nats encountered. Like the pint-sized, foul-mouthed shortstop from the great baseball film, Morgan seemingly wants to take on the entire seventh grade league.

• Morgan is appealing a suspension by the league for throwing a ball into the stands that hit a fan in the face. (At least one Phillies fan has defended Morgan.)

• He was benched by Jim Riggleman on Sunday for unnecessarily running over St. Louis catcher Bryan Anderson on Saturday. Morgan responded to his manager's chiding by calling it "very unacceptable" and saying he had been fooled into thinking that Anderson had the ball. 

• On Tuesday night, Morgan drew the ire of the Florida Marlins by running over one of their catchers in a play at the plate that has been deemed by them to be dirty, dumb, or both.

•  On Wednesday, a video of Morgan possibly cursing out a Marlins fan surfaced on the DC Sports Bog.

• Finally — at least we hope so, for his sake — Morgan mixed it up with the Marlins in a bench-clearing brawl on Wednesday night that featured actual fighting — a rarity in the majors — along with enough flying punches, clotheslines and post-fight posturing to satisfy the pro wrestling crowd.

Honestly, it looked like something straight out of Mortal Kombat.

Watch the fracas!

Morgan, by at least one account, is an eccentric guy. And, even though he comes from a background in junior hockey, he doesn't have a reputation for violence.

[Photos: See images of the Nationals' bad boy]

Yet, recent events have the world wondering: What the heck is going on, Nyjer?

Morgan, a speedy 6-foot-nothing stringbean, charged the mound in the sixth inning after 6-foot-8 right-hander Chris Volstad (hey, the first All-Answer Man fight!) threw a pitch behind him at belt level. In Morgan's previous at-bat in the fourth, Volstad drilled him in the hip, after which Morgan promptly stole second base and third.

The game before, the Marlins took exception to Morgan barreling over catcher Brett Hayes — putting him out for the season, probably, with a separated left shoulder — on a play at the plate. The Marlins also didn't like Morgan attempting to steal bases with his team down 11 runs.

"I thought it was over after (the fourth inning), but once I saw the ball go right behind me, it's time to go (fight)," Morgan said. "Once is good enough, but twice, no, it's time to go." 

The scrape included a lefthanded superman punch of Volstad by Morgan, a blindside clothesline of Morgan by Gaby Sanchez, a coach (Pat Listach of the Nationals) getting in a couple of licks on Volstad, and both managers barking at each other. If you weren't on the bottom of the pile or a guy who's opposed to all fighting in baseball, it was at least as entertaining as a WWE matchup.

Marlins infielder Wes Helms explained Florida's collective position.

"There's nothing good I can say about someone (Morgan) who doesn't play the game the right way and doesn't respect the integrity of the game," Helms said. "We had to show we weren’t going to put up with how he was treating us."

Morgan's disdain didn't end after connecting with Volstad's kisser. As a coach escorted him off the field, Morgan — his arms raised and his mouth moving — seemed to be reveling in his role of the heel at Sun Life Stadium.

From the Washington Post:

"There's bit a little bit of controversy surrounding the kid lately," Morgan said. "But it's just one of things. I'm a solid, hard-nosed player. When I'm out there between the lines, I'm out there to win and I'm out there to play hard." 

The Marlins seem to think — and some agree — that Morgan running over Hayes was at least unnecessary, if not dirty. But if you look at the replay objectively, it's easy to see how Morgan would think he'd be tagged out by Hayes. In a scoreless tie in the 10th inning, having to make a snap judgment, running over the catcher is just baseball.

The Fish were also apparently upset that Morgan stole two bases in the fourth inning when the Nationals were down by 11. As Kris Liakos of Walkoff Walk saracastically notes, it must have been "Stupid Old Man Baseball Code Opposite Day," so there's plenty of blame to place on the Marlins if you're able to see both sides. 

Still, make no mistake: The biggest loser on Wednesday night (and all this week) was Morgan, who is now seeing his public persona go from the happpy-go-lucky eccentric outfielder with the alternate "Tony Plush" personality to someone who's now being mentioned in the same sentences as Milton Bradley.

Indeed, the reaction has been swift with Keith Olbermann already painting Morgan as a ticking time bomb with a "serious and blossoming anger management issue" who would benefit by being suspended for the rest of the season.  

Meanwhile, one of the Marlins announcers responded to the fight this way:

"The guy has some serious problems. If Major League Baseball doesn't do something about Nyjer Morgan, then they're coming up short."

There's no denying that Morgan will receive a hefty suspension for his Little Mac mound charge on Wednesday night. And there's also no denying that he needs a little break to escape what is probably the worst week anyone has had in baseball this year.

He'll be getting both and maybe he'll use them to right himself from the tilt that he's on.

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Game of the Day: Twins 2, Tigers 1 (10 inn.)

Fuzzy navel: A somewhat unexpected contributor to the Twins' pennant drive, rookie third baseman Danny Valencia added another great moment with a tie-breaking, game-ending single that scored Michael Cuddyer. His hit against Ryan Perry allowed Minnesota to remain four games up on the White Sox.

Valencia is batting .332 with 16 doubles, two homers and 24 RBIs in 208 at-bats, one of a handful of first-year players thrust into action this season.

"We need 'em. That's for sure. Especially now, with all the injuries we've had to endure in the past two months,” Cuddyer said. "For him to come up and fill in nicely is huge."

O.R. scrubs: Detroit's Max Scherzer, who struck out nine over nine innings, went to a lot of trouble for a no-decision. As Twins broadcaster Dick Bremer pointed out, Scherzer found something when he returned to Triple-A Toledo. Scherzer has allowed one run or fewer in six of his past seven starts.

"He’s got a tremendous mound presence right now," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said. “He’s one of the better pitchers in the league."

Francisco Liriano pitched just as well over seven.

* * *

They Also Played... 

White Sox 6, Indians 4: The key for the White Sox seems to be getting Manny Ramirez into the on-deck circle so someone else can hit a go-ahead three-run homer.

Astros 5, Cardinals 2: The Cardinals have yet to rally from the effects of the Glenn Beck rally.

Cubs 5, Pirates 3: Gotta try and play all 162, I spoze.

Red Sox 9, Orioles 6: Jon Lester was due to lose to the Orioles — and he tried his darnedest, allowing five runs — but that's why you have teammates. He's now 13-0 against ‘em.

Phillies 5, Dodgers 1: Where's the website that declares, "I want to go to Game 2 of the NLDS with Roy Oswalt"? You're getting slow, Philly.

Yankees 4, Athletics 3: You just never know with A.J. Burnett.

D-backs 5, Padres 2: It's a good time for the Padres' first losing streak of the season, which stands at seven games. Better now, when there's time to recover, than in the last week.

Rays 2, Blue Jays 1: John Buck describes the Rays as "Old-school baseball with occasional pop." Got it.

Marlins 16, Nationals 10: Nyjer Morgan: Professional irritant.

Reds 6, Brewers 1: Aroldis Chapman hit 103 mph and picked up his first major league victory. Crown him!

Rangers 4, Royals 3: Texas lost the night before on a wild pitch. That would upset the heck out of me.

Braves 4, Mets 1: He went 0 for 3, but Freddie Freeman has arrived in Atlanta, to which I can only exclaim, "Shazam!"

Angels 4, Mariners 2: It's almost rude of the Angels to score four runs. You know how long it would take the M's to reach that?

Giants 2, Rockies 1: Timmay! Tim Lincecum, where you been, son?

Cliff Lee, Texas Rangers

Data: 10-8, 3.37 ERA, 1.025 WHIP, 0.6 BB/9, 13.42 K/BB (2-5, 4.69 ERA with Texas)

Data: Cliff Lee was rightly seen as the prize of the trade deadline, but things haven't gone quite as planned for either the Rangers or Mariners. Prized prospect Justin Smoak has hit so poorly that he's now back in Seattle's minors, and Lee gave up more earned runs in his first game with the Rangers than he'd given up in his previous two weeks as a Mariner. During his latest debacle on Tuesday night, Lee gave up seven runs and got knocked out in the fifth inning by ... drumroll, please ...  the Kansas City Royals.

During his abbreviated stay in Seattle, Lee only had two starts in which he gave up four earned runs or more. In his even shorter time as a Ranger, he's had seven such starts, including a current streak of five. As a Mariner, Lee never failed to pitch into the seventh or later, but in his last three starts in Texas, he hasn't made it out of the sixth. Lee still has terrific control, and his lack of walks is helping him challenge the all-time record for strikeout-to-walk ratio, but he's still giving up a ton of hits and homers, and he hasn't thrown a complete game in a month. Something clearly ain't right.

Malfunction: As you might expect, our old friend BABIP can help explain at least part of the problem. Lee's BABIP as a Ranger is .314, well above his .283 BABIP as a Mariner and his career .299 mark. He still isn't walking anybody, so the only baserunners he faces are guys who put a bat on the ball, which magnifies the effect of the hit rate. Similarly worrisome are the home runs: he gave up five homers in 13 starts in Seattle, and he's given up six in his last three. His command is still among the best in baseball, but hits are bunching against him badly.

What's his real problem? Those Rangers road unis. Other than the homers, it's hard to blame his lack of success on his new home stadium, the bandbox-like Rangers Ballpark. Since coming to the Rangers, his home ERA is 4.06, but his road ERA is even higher at 5.23. He's giving up 10.7 hits per nine innings on the road versus 8.1 hits per nine at home in Arlington. And those hits are going slightly further. He's given up 10 homers as a Ranger versus just five as a Mariner — but he also gave up 23 doubles in Seattle, and he's given up just 16 as a Ranger. He's the same guy, he's just giving up more hits, and more of those hits have been loud.

Reboot directions: Until his Texas hiccup, Cliff Lee was about the surest meal ticket in baseball the last three years. Because his command and K/BB ratio are so sparkling, it's easy to predict that nothing has changed under the hood and he'll soon return to his old dominant self. The Rangers have the biggest divisional lead in baseball and are virtually assured of a playoff spot (despite having just traded for Jeff Francoeur), so Lee will have the luxury of getting used to his new ballpark and figuring out how to keep the ball safely inside it. For now, the prognosis is frustratingly vague: it's just a phase that he'll work his way out of. Hopefully soon.

What other players are currently slumping?

Barry Zito, San Francisco Giants 8-10, 4.07 ERA, 1.339 WHIP, 1.85 K/BB
Until a few weeks ago, this was Zicasso's comeback year. As the Giants' fourth starter behind Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, and Jonathan Sanchez, he had 17 Quality Starts through his first 23 starts, with an 8-6 record, a 3.35 ERA, and — for the first time since 2004 — a K/BB over 2.0. But since then he's turned into the same old $126 million meltdown artist that all Giants fans know and hate. He has a 9.61 ERA in his last five appearances, including an inning of relief (allowing three hits and a run) in a 12-inning game against the Reds. He's gotten knocked out in the fourth inning in each of his last two starts. In his last five games, he has more walks than strikeouts. For Barry, it's really quite simple: if he can strike out more than twice as many as he walks, like he did in Oakland and earlier this year, he can be successful. If not, he'll get nuked.

Miguel Olivo, Colorado Rockies .277/.326/.462, 13 HR, 50 RBI
For quite a while, Olivo was the hottest catcher in the National League, and he was hitting .300 as recently as Aug. 3. But that was pretty heady stuff for a guy with a .247 career average, and a miserable August has seen him go 8-for-57 with 19 strikeouts agaist just one walk. His OPS has dropped 86 points and backup Chris Iannetta has gotten increased playing time. There's no mystery here: Olivo was playing way above his head, and even now that he's crashed to earth, he's still enjoying the second-best season of his career after hitting 23 homers last year in Kansas City. Still, what goes up must come down.

Ben Zobrist, Tampa Bay Rays .251/.357/.352, 7 HR, 58 RBI, 23 SB, 3 CS
Zobrist was widely acclaimed as the most versatile player in the American league last year, after slamming 27 homers while logging time at every position but catcher and pitcher. By the end of the year, he'd settled in as the everyday second baseman, but the Rays in their wisdom moved him again at the beginning of 2010, and he's spent most of his time this year as the right fielder. That may have been one move too many, as he's dropped 239 points of OPS since last year and lost most of his power. (When a supersub has a breakout year, teams should really just keep them in their position. The biggest mistake the Seattle Mariners made with Chone Figgins was to move him off his best position.)

From 2008-2009, Zobrist demonstrated that he has real power, and it will return eventually, though 2009 may prove to be his career year. But his batting average may not come back. He'll still have value through his plate discipline, superior basestealing ability, and defensive versatility, but he won't be as good as he was last year. Is that the Rays' fault? Maybe not. But they may wish they hadn't messed with a good thing.

Make no mistake: One home run isn't going to vaporize all the talk about whether Ryan Howard returned from his ankle injury too soon.

But Howard's three-run blast against the Los Angeles Dodgers in an 8-4 victory on Tuesday night is certainly a good start heading into a month he has traditionally dominated.

The third-inning shot by the Philadelphia Phillies first baseman was his first since July 27 and it ended his second-longest homerless drought — 13 games — of the season.

Unfortunately, it didn't do much to Howard's post-DL slash line since returning from his 16-game break. In the 10 games and 42 plate appearances since returning, he's hitting a sickly .125/.167/.200 with Tuesday's homer counting as his only extra-base hit.

Howard says he's having the proverbial "good at-bats" and taking the swings he wants to take. Phillies fans, though, are hoping that cliche will manifest itself in Howard turning into the late-season beast that he's built a reputation on.

He has a giant WPA (5.31) over the last three September/October time periods, and ESPN's Mark Simon says there's no one quite like Howard when the calendar flips to the final months: 

Since Howard's career began with the Phillies in 2004, he hasn't just been good in September and October. He's dominated.

Howard has played in exactly one season's worth of September/October baseball — 162 games.

In that time he's hitting .314 and reached base nearly 43 percent of the time. He's hit 52 home runs and driven in 141 runs. His OPS is over 1.100. There's no other month in which it clears 1.000.

With the Phillies holding a 1.5-game lead over the San Francisco Giants in the wild-card race, Howard will need to shake off that ankle bug and revert to his old self. 

Finding a cup that doesn't fall out while running the bases might help too. 

Fans in the Queen City probably wondered if the stories they heard about his fastball (that it can go 105 mph) and his slider (it breaks all the way to China) were too good to be true.

On Tuesday night, Chapman finally showed 'em he's no urban legend.

His stuff is real ... and it's spectacular.

In his major league debut, Chapman threw four pitches that topped 100 mph — maxing at 102.7 — and finished a perfect eighth inning Tuesday night in the Reds' 8-4 victory against the Milwaukee Brewers.

Chapman threw eight pitches overall, seven for strikes. All of them looked good, too.

Chapman, who was clocked by a scout at 105 mph in a minor league game last Friday, was even more impressive with his slider, Reds catcher Ryan Hanigan said. It only goes 87 mph.

Via C. Trent Rosecrans, who filed this report for CBS Sports:

"That thing ... that pitch ... that's a whole different ballgame," Hanigan said. "His breaking ball is what people should be talking about. His slider is absolutely ridiculous. He's got to be able to throw it for a strike and he's got to get into counts where we can call it, so getting ahead is big, but if he can throw that breaking ball for a strike... good luck. It's a hammer. I saw it in Triple-A, it's 88-to-93, it's moving about a foot and a half. That's not something that anyone wants to hit, I don't care how good you are."

So, Chapman throws 100-plus mph, but all that does it set you up. He'll really butter your bread with his breaking pitch. It's just not fair.

Watch Chapman go 1-2-3 on Yahoo! Sports Minute

For kicks, just watch this .GIF of Chapman striking out Jonathan Lucroy over and over.

It's not fair, not fair, not fair...

You might say Chapman whooped the fans at Great American Ball Park (announced attendance 19,218) into a frenzy. It's OK to go to Reds games, folks. They're in first place and you might even see Chapman pitch.

Thanks to another loss by the St. Louis Cardinals, the Reds grew their lead in the NL Central to a season-high six games. But the rest of the league should consider itself lucky; the Reds are only planning to use Chapman for one or two innings at a time.

Then again, a little taste might be the way to use him: In Class AAA, his strikeout/walk ratio was 1.9-to-1 as a starter and his contact rate (somehow) was not otherworldly.

Still, so far, the $30 million investment general manager Walt Jocketty made in the Cuban emigré appears sound.

And if the Reds get a lead late in a game, Chapman makes for a great bridge to closer Francisco Cordero. Or even a great ... replacement.

Cordero, no soft-tosser himself, said he'd never seen 102 on a scoreboard before. "I got that," he said, "in my Ferrari."

* * *

Follow Dave on Twitter — @AnswerDave

Every so often, the two Head Stewards — Kevin Kaduk and David Brown — like to have a little argument over IM. The result is Stewards Debate!, which brings their bickering to the masses.  

'Duk: Greetings, Mr. Brown! Believe it or not, we're only one day away from the final month of the regular season. And while the season has become a slog in many cities, Chicago's South Side is getting a dreadlocked infusion of offense in the waiver-wire arrival of Manny Ramirez. He's on the ground in Cleveland and is scheduled to make his Chicago White Sox debut on Wednesday. Whether or not he'll make a difference in the AL Central race remains to be seen, but this is obviously another case of GM Kenny Williams going big before going home. My question to you is this: Do you think acquiring Manny will end up being seen as a shrewd move by Williams? Or will we view it as a waste of cash ($4.3 million, to be exact)?

David Brown: Well, Señor ‘Duk, that all depends if the White Sox surpass the Minnesota Twins and make the playoffs. Like you said, there's only a month to go in the season and Chicago is four games behind as we speak. Just by inserting Manny into the lineup, does that make the Sox the favorites? Of course not. I would add this: That it took the Sox this long to address the void in their lineup (as if there were only one hole) is pretty negligent on the part of Kenny and Ozzie.

Look at whom Ozzie Guillen usually uses at designated hitter: On Tuesday night, with Manny still getting acclimated to be acquired, or something, it was Mark Kotsay. Everybody knows the phrase, " ... miserable excuse for..." Well, Kotsay is about the most miserable excuse for a designated hitter one can find. His on-base percentage is .310; his slugging percentage is .388; his value as a batter on Fangraphs is -6. I don't even know what that means, exactly, much less how it's calculated, but it sounds really awful. And, having watched Kotsay be the DH this season for the White Sox, it matches up to his performance.

'Duk: Ah, so you're taking the "Anyone But Kotsay" drum that my old man has been banging all season. That's understandable and sticking Manny Ramirez in that spot is an upgrade of exponential proportion. Still, I can't endorse the move just because the Sox are throwing money at a problem after stupidly waiting 132 games to take advantage of the DH rule that the American League has had for almost 40 years. I mean, it'd be one thing if the Sox were just picking Manny up for a song, but it's not like Manny's going to be taking these at-bats for free. I saw it mentioned somewhere that he's going to be making around $29,000 every time he strides to the plate. Even more if his 38-year-old body shuts down before the end of the season.

In a vacuum, this is a great move. But color me skeptical that the White Sox — who Baseball Prospectus estimates only have an 11 percent chance of making the postseason — can actually take advantage and make this investment worth their while. And considering the money they've sunk into Jake Peavy and Alex Rios, I'm afraid Jerry Reinsdorf will get cheap and say "well, we spent too much last year" when it comes time to do something important, like sign John Danks to the contract extension he's going to need.

DB: As much as it's OK to bash the Sox for not moving on acquiring a bat sooner, it's not really fair to complain about them spending $4.3 million on Manny now because they might not spent money on something else later. And, as was mentioned, no prospects were sacrificed for this deal. Manny isn't blocking a better player from getting at-bats. It could be argued that Dayan Viciedo and Mark Teahen would make a good DH platoon — but that's only IF Ozzie would do that and just have Kotsay replace Paul Konerko on defense late in games. He's not willing to do that. Ramirez, therefore, is the best solution. I'm still failing to see a downside in this. 

'Duk: I think it's completely fair to complain about this possibly being future money flushed right down the toilet, so long as you consider that the Twins have a four game lead in the division, still get the benefit of playing both Kansas City and Cleveland six games apiece and, oh yeah, will play 18 of their final 30 games at home. You'll counter by saying that the White Sox play 16 of their last 30 at home, but that includes finishing this current long road trip in Detroit and Boston and a voyage out west to Los Angeles and Oakland, where they never play well. I'm just not convinced the Sox and their depleted bullpen will still be in contention next week, let alone the final days of the season.

What's more, I'm not buying that Ramirez is going to snap into the contract-hungry monster mode that everyone seems to think is coming. He shows up in Cleveland today and pulls a Sammy Sosa impression, pretending that he needs an interpreter for his introductory press conference and then doesn't even do a good enough job of convincing Ozzie Guillen that he's ready to play in tonight's game. The Sox are laying their down-the-stretch hopes on a guy who's too tired to play after a plane flight? Even when they're paying him all this money and he only has to bat four times?

C'mon.

DB: You know what? You're right. The Twins are the '78 Yankees reincarnate. And even if they're not, they'll just wreak wanton destruction on Cleveland and Kansas City in September. It's not like the bottom of the AL Central has a history of coming up to bite the contenders down the stretch and unexpectedly force things such as, oh, I dunno, a 163rd regular-season game.

Further, the White Sox play the Tigers, Red Sox, Angels and A's? How can ANYONE survive such a gauntlet? They "never play well" in Oakland and Anaheim? Why are they bothering jumping on a plane? You're absolutely right — the White Sox might not win a single game remaining on their schedule, so why are they wasting our time?

Lastly, Manny's acting strange already? Obviously, the White Sox did not account for this! Considering what I mentioned about Manny's stats — they're actually pretty good — there's a chance he's going to come up in the seventh inning tonight and hit a pinch-hit home run. And even if he doesn't, the circus will be worth watching.

Oh, that's right, you won't be watching. You gave up on the season with 30 games left. Good job.

'Duk: Wow, that's quite an impassioned response from you, Mr. Brown! If the White Sox had actually decided to buy all the Dodgers' old Manny wigs, I'd be picturing you IMing me while wearing one. (No, you cannot expense one when you finally find one.)

Also, you're wrong about me giving up on the season with 30 games left to play. I'll actually be watching the remaining slate while crying and whispering sweet nothings to my Jim Thome bobblehead doll.

I will say, this, though: I find it absolutely amazing that Jerry Reinsdorf — the same guy who waved the white flag in 1997 with the Sox only 3.5 games back of Cleveland on July 31 — is approving such a big charge this late in the season.

But while scrounging his sofa for that change is good for him and his fans, I can't shake my financially responsible side. I feel like the guy who's sitting next to his buddy at the blackjack table while he gambles away his kid's college kitty trying to win a new car in spite of terrible odds.

I will give you the final word to predict whether or not this lever pull by Williams and Reinsdorf will result in the jackpot he's seeking.

DB: You sure are alarmed about the state of John Danks' contract extension and whether there's enough money left in the kitty for it — I'll give you points for that. Also, I'm glad you brought up the White Flag trade. I think they were 3 1/2 back at the time, no? Less than now. Well, I remember the 1997 White Sox. These guys are not them. The '97 Sox sucked. They were under .500, or right there, at the time they unloaded Wilson Alvarez, et al. They weren't going to beat Cleveland.

I'll admit that this team might not beat the Twins — in fact, I'd bet on the Twins winning if you made me — but Manny gives them a better chance. And even if he fails, there's still a good chance the rest of the season will entertain as it couldn't possibly have before. That alone is worth the price. I'm gonna go find me some dreads.

Follow @bigleaguestew and @answerdave on Twitter.

Frank Robinson turns 75 Tuesday and it seems like he has an outstanding résumé bulletpoint for every one of those years. Hall of Famer. Five hundred eighty-six career home runs. 1956 Rookie of the Year. Two-time World Series champion. Only player to win the MVP in both leagues. Fourteen-time All-Star. First black manager in MLB history. Last manager of the Montreal Expos. First manager of the Washington Nationals. And on and on.

Robinson isn't viewed in the same romantic way as other Hall of Famers from his era and I suppose the reasons for that are varied. He put up his numbers in Cincinnati and Baltimore instead of New York. He didn't play to the crowd like Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle. He had a more intense personality and maybe his extended time in the spotlight as an everyday manager dimmed some of his power-hitting mystique. 

But those who came after his time (including yours truly) should make no mistake: Frank Robinson was an upper echelon Hall of Famer, a fearless brute who crowded the plate and could put more damage on a baseball than just about anybody. 

Dan Connolly of the Baltimore Sun shares a good Robinson story:

He was asked about hitting 600 homers; he ended with 586. He said 600 wasn't a big deal back then so retiring 14 short never entered his mind. He then said he could have easily reached 600, but his manager in Cleveland didn't play him enough because the guy thought he was washed up. That manager, by the way, was Frank Robinson.

In honor of Mr. Robinson's birthday, here's our own selection of classic photos from the AP archive. For captions of the photos, visit the set on Flickr.

Flying the Fightins' flag on the Stew today is Pat Gallen of Phillies Nation. He has come up with a few reasons why the Phillies will see their fourth straight postseason.

Funny, it used be "offense, offense, offense" with the Philadelphia Phillies, but the tides have now changed.

Hell, it's the year of the pitcher anyway, so they've decided to get on board.

The Phillies haven't done things the conventional way this year, and catching the Braves is no doubt a tough task. But, whether it be the wild card or division title (Charlie Manuel doesn't want to talk about the wild card!) here are a few reasons why you'll see the Phils in the postseason come October.

(I'm doing my best to prove this point following Monday night's last-minute beach ball-aided escape of a no-hitter against Hiroki Kuroda and the Dodgers):

The Three Wisemen of the Rotation: Roy Halladay. Cole Hamels. Roy Oswalt. H2O is what the kids call ‘em. Can you beat that? Prove it. Philly's top three are arguably the best in all of baseball, boasting a former Cy Young winner (Halladay) chomping at the bit to play meaningful fall baseball, a former World Series/NLCS MVP (Hamels) who has the necessary experience, and a former NLCS MVP (Oswalt) enjoying a rejuvenation in a new town. 

Manuel is going to ride these ponies and with a resurgent Joe Blanton and a respectable fifth starter in Kyle Kendrick, he'll be able to lean on this staff to get them through their struggles on offense and into the top four of the National League.

Indeed, the Phillies starters have a NL-best 1.21 WHIP and also lead the league in complete games, K/BB ratio, and opponents' on-base percentage.

Been There, Done That: In 2007, the Phillies fought tooth and nail until the final day of the season and made the playoffs. In 2008, they rode past the Mets in the latter stages of the season and blew through the playoffs for their first World Series title in 28 years. In 2009, another National League Championship banner was raised.

This club understands what it takes to reach the postseason and what it takes to become a winner when the check comes due. With their backs against the wall, this crew consisting of Howard, Utley, Rollins and Werth seem to play their best baseball. September is on the doorstep, a month in which the Phils have done some damage.

In each of the past three seasons, the Phils have won 17 games in September. Offensively, there is hope. Ryan Howard is a career .314 hitter in the final month, mashing a total of 52 home runs with 141 RBIs in 162 games. Halladay follows suit to end the year; his career ERA is 3.32, but in September that drops nearly a full run to 2.36.

LOUD NOISES!: If you've ever been to a game at Citizens Bank Park, you know it's filled with 45,000 diehards every night. The decibel level can reach jet-fighter status at any moment. They smell fear — how are you, Jonathan Broxton? — and strike fear into the hearts of many. Phillies fans truly give the team a home-field advantage.

By the way, whatever happened to the Tomahawk Chop? It's hard to hear it when only a few hundred Braves fans are showing up to Turner Field during a pennant race.

Can't Get Any Worse: As you may have witnessed on Monday night, the Phillies' bats aren't exactly clicking on all cylinders. For this crew, one that led the NL in runs scored in three of the last four seasons, it may have just touched rock bottom.

So, the law of averages says the Phillies are just about due for some sort of extended period of better baseball ... right? (Right!?) Thankfully, they are finally completely healthy after being ravaged by injuries most of the season and still have the same team that got them to two straight World Series.

So, they may sit three games back in the NL East heading into Tuesday night's games, yet they currently hold on to the Wild Card lead with what many Phillies fans would say is their worst showing since before their playoff run started. September is when they enjoy causing damage, so fear not fans of the red pinstripes — the time will come for playoff baseball in Philly yet again. 

Pat Gallen is an anchor and Phillies reporter for 97.3 ESPN FM in South Jersey. He's also the Senior Writer at PhilliesNation.com