Poor ugly, fashion-ly challenged Nicky Hilton.  The only thing that could have saved her from showing up like this to her own 25th birthday party would be if this was a surprise party–which it wasn’t.  The only other thing that could have saved her would be not to invite her spotlight stealing whore-y sister–which she did.  This girl is freaking hopeless.

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One of the prettier faces in politics, Sarah Palin, is being immortalized not only in SNL skits, but her very own porn.  The spoof, titled “Nailin’ Paylin and played by Lisa Ann, chronicles the sexual adventures of our unlikely hero.  From three ways with Hilary and Condoleeza to naked Russians knocking on her back door, this porn promises to have it all.  Surprisingly, even the script is even sorta worth reading…

PALIN: F**k me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can’t even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!

There isn’t much to say about this.  Sarah Palin.  Porn.  If anything, Tina Fey might have to up her game.

After being acquitted for the murder of his wife, thirteen years later, OJ Simpson is tried and found guilty in an entirely different case that could leave him behind bars…for life.

According to authorities, Simpson and five other men barged in on the two memorabilia collectors, Bruce Fromong and Alfred Beardsley, at the Palace Station, an off-Strip Las Vegas hotel, on Sept. 13, 2007. Simpson believed the two men had items that had been swiped from him.

All told, Simpson…[was] convicted of 11 felonies (conspiracy to commit kidnapping; conspiracy to commit burglary; burglary while in possession of a deadly weapon; and two counts…of first degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon; robbery with use of a deadly weapon; assault with a deadly weapon; and coercion with use of a deadly weapon) and one gross misdemeanor (conspiracy to commit a crime).

You can thank OJ’s cockiness for this one.  This man gets away with murder and suddenly thinks he runs the world.  Apparently though, those are only served on 13 year terms.

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As the Western Hemisphere welcomes back Angelina Jolie in New York, I can’t help but notice the world’s greatest MILF might have a little more adjusting to do.  Even though she’s quick to shed the pounds after delivering twins, apparently the habits of a hormone crazy fat lady doesn’t die as fast when put on display in front of a camera lens.  Either that, or there is a doctor’s assistant somewhere practicing his defense as to why he shoved a broom up her ass.

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Oprah Winfrey’s mother, Vernita Lee is claiming ignorance and counter suing Valentina Inc for allowing her to spend over $150,000 she, for god knows what kind of reason, didn’t realize she had to pay back.

According to court papers, Lee resolved a 2002 case with the company over a $175,000 bill. The resolution prohibited Valentina from receiving more credit.

Lee claims the company extended her credit anyway, taking advantage of her “lack of knowledge, ability, and-or capacity” when creating her credit account.”

Oprah’s mom makes it seem like credit is some free thousand dollar coupon.  You’d think after the first time, or after seeing people’s houses being foreclosed on because of bad credit, or, hell, looked at Ed McMahon lately, some common sense would enter her brain, but for some odd reason she sees credit as some really awesome thousand dollar coupon.  As giving as Oprah makes herself out to be on television, I wouldn’t bother bailing her out just because of her stupidity.

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It’s nice to see Torrie Wilson, and when I say see, I mean see naked.  I don’t know why she’s wasting her time taking relatively soft-core photos when she should be off somewhere manhandling man bits and demonstrating a couple of old wrestling moves for a sex tape.  EVERYONE has one Torrie, so why don’t you?

Bianca Golden goes into juice details for an October episode of Tyra Bank’s talk show about the whole ordeal/brawl that occured at an airport in late July:

“Before my mom could walk away from us, her father … punched my mom,” Bianca tells Banks. “He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom.”

Bianca said Nikki then kicked her mother in the crotch.

As we all have learned, Nikki Blonsky means serious business when it comes to having a seat to rest her sweaty Christmas hams in.  Whether Nikki Blonsky truly thought Bianca’s mom was, in fact, her father is kinda unknown.

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Sandra Bernhard is bitter after a women’s shelter composed of battered women takes offence to a joke she made about…well beating women.  While Sanda has been using her only strategy, her big fat mouth, to curry favor in hopes of performing at its benefit, she’s coming to the realization that it ain’t gonna work.

The 53-year-old comedian said Palin would be “gang-raped by my big black brothers” during a diatribe in which she also criticized Palin for opposing abortion rights.

Many women at the shelter have been victims of violence, said public relations director Leemarie Mosca.

“In light of our mission, we don’t think violence against women is a laughing matter,” she said.

I personally would have booted her a long time ago.  For one, she’s not all that funny, and most importantly, I don’t think most of the women would have appreciated staring at Bernhard who could have possibly been the unsuccessful abortion of a rape victim gone terribly awry.

For anyone who has ever thought Dita Von Teese is, look-wise, anything less than smoking, Dita has you reevaluate your answer by playing a game of “which would you bang?” with one of the ugliest women on the face of the planet.  Anyone who doesn’t respond with “I’d hit that with a ton of bricks” to the girl on the left, needs to seriously consider changing sexual preferences.  Meanwhile, Dita Von Teese laughs at your former naivety by ripping off your balls, and doing the Mexican Hat Dance all over them.

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You know, my heart (and eyes) go completely out there to someone like Diora Baird in Maxim UK’s November 2008 issue.  When you’re not made to act, sometimes you just have to be a stripper, or release a sex tape in order for someone to recognize you, and it works.  Hello big breasts…erm, Diora.  I’m now listening, kinda.

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I don’t know why I’m posting these, I don’t really need to see pictures of Beyonce’s fat ass in a bikini but I know that she’s got a couple of male fans out there who might appreciate these. I guess it doesn’t really matter who’s in the bikini, there will always be some one out there who’ll want to see them…. Jennifer Love Hewitt is a good example of that.

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All the busty British nobodies have been releasing their bikini calendars in the last week, I posted Gemma Atkinson showing off her tits on the beach so it’s only fair to give Jennifer Ellison the same courtesy. These are just a taste but who gives a sh@t, she’s Hot. Sit back and enjoy.

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I don’t exactly know what’s going on in these pictures, I have to assume that Selma Hayek is on some sort of German TV show during Oktoberfest and some forward thinking go getter decided it would be a good idea to dress her up as a beer wench…… It was. Whatever she’s selling I’m buying a dozen.

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It’s nice to see that Elizabeth Hurley hasn’t given up completely, she’s still trying to get my attention. This time she gives me a little flash of her knickers at a Bloomingdale’s Breast Cancer fundraiser in New York. It’s a nice gesture and all but I’m not impressed with the granny panties she’s wearing. Who the f@#k wants to see that. I smell moth balls.

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Nipples are pretty amazing things if you ask me, they’re mysterious, not only are they tasty and fun to play with but in my months of experience I’ve notice they seem to be able to predict the weather. For example these pictures of Britney Spears in NYC tell me it’s cold outside and If I’m reading her them correctly we should have at least another month or so of autumn. Impressive,

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This is the third set of Lindsay Lohan pictures I’ve posted in the last few days, still no scissor hold pictures, but Lindsay jogging and frolicking in the surf is going to have to do for now. I could do without the skinny dude in the bikini but one step at a time.

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Britney Spears did some sort of charitable stop at a school somewhere in New York, f@#k if I know, anyway she signed some autographs for the kids and posed for pictures with them and all that sh@t. One lucky little bastard got a sweet little peek down Ms Spears top. F@#king right! That kid’s got a great story to tell his dad at dinner tonight.

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Although the idea of a couple of lesbians sucking on popsicles in their bikinis sounds pretty appealing to me, when one of them is Samantha Ronson the whole fantasy goes out the window. Luckily, the other one is Lindsay Lohan in her bikini looking hot as usual. I’m still waiting for the leg wrestling scissor hold pictures. I’ll keep you posted.

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